Gardens Goodbye

The sun is hot and bright. Everything is orange and yellow and green. We didn't plant much this year as we knew we were going to sell the house. I can tell it is not feeling my love as I have had to detach to move on.  We did just eat the peaches off of our tree for the first time. They were good and soft and sweet. Now we are convinced that next time we will plant 5 trees. The kids have grown so much here just like our trees.

We have been dealing with squatting tenants in a house we have tried so hard to move into. In the end we could have gotten it if the attorneys office hadn't botched the job of delivering the ticket to the Sheriffs department. We have had to move on and find something new but we are sad as it is very expensive. After weeks of not having somewhere secure to move into it feels relieving but now I have to mentally move out of our first choice and mentally move into what we are going to get. All this time I tried to comfort myself by saying that the squatting situation saved us a thousand dollars as we didn't have to pay mortgage and rent for the month of July. Now with having to move into something different we will have to pay thousands of dollars more. So much for silver linings.

I am however excited for the new yard. It is large, private and already has a ton of flowers. The owner said we could garden and pretty much do whatever we wanted to make it our home. That was good as I don't want to hate the place I live. I have been thinking of all the ways our new place will be good.

Its been an emotional few weeks and my brain is fried. I have so much to do and I have to really rally up my will to get it done. I am ready to move on and start over. I am ready to find our new rhythm and have a simpler life as I won't have so much to care for being renters and all. I am feeling more at piece with leaving behind my beautiful house and working toward my families long term goals. I am working on a new motto of "I never worry." It seems that no matter what life will throw you a curve ball. Its best to just take it as it comes.

Birtthda'y Boy Bash

My big boy turned 7. I can't believe how big he is. He is smart and funny and filled with a wild silliness that he often can't control. Even though we are moving he still had a magical day. He wanted to have a party so I kept it low key and just invited friends to the lake that we have been frequenting. I brought punch and cupcakes. It was windy and a little cold but the water was warm. Later we went out for pizza and then had presents and cake and ice cream as a family.

He wanted a remote control police car, and a tadpole for his birthday. He is such a sweet boy. He is wild and opinionated. He likes to be involved and he has an aptitude for drumming. He is helping me out more and more and I am delighting in the fact that he can lift my load by doing work for me when I need it. We love him and I hope he has a wonderful year.

Summer in the City

We have been in a state of limbo as we are bearing down on our closing date and so far have not seen the inside of the house we have lined up to rent. The tenants were supposed to be out by the end of June but they decided to squat in the house and now we are waiting for their court date for eviction. We are hoping they will leave before it comes to that though. Because of all of this its been hard to pack to move because we don't know when we are moving. This has left me feeling lost and bored as I am not sure what to do with myself in the daytime. We are about 60 percent packed and I can't work on a projects like I normally would as most things I need are harder to get to now. Every day I ask my husband to stalk the rental house to see if there has been any change.  I have been rendering lard and canning bone broth in an effort to clean out our freezer so I can defrost it. Still these types of kitchen jobs don't leave me feeling very productive or prepared.

We have been having a good time lately hanging out with friends. I feel sad as for so long it seemed that I had a hard time making friends here but now that we are preparing to leave I realize that there are a lot of people that I care about and that I want to stay connected too. I have this bucket list hanging on the fridge that I call our Summer curriculum. On it are things like, catch a tadpole, roll down a grassy hill, cook smores, or take a walk in the dark and look at the stars. We have been ticking things off in a consistent sort of way and it makes me feel like I at least have something to focus on.

I combed my littlest girls hair and for some reason it would stay up in a goofy way. She liked it and called it her unicorn hair. The toys are limited these days as most are packed into the garage. I should start taking notes of the things they ask for to keep tabs on what we really use and need. I am nervous we are not going to have enough furniture in our rental house.  At the same time also nervous we will loose the skills we have learned from our small house. how to be mostly minimalist, keeping only what we love or need. I have concerned visions in my head of rooms overflowing with toys as we won't feel so pressured to purge due to lack of space.

I am glad that it is summer though, as summer is easy to be in limbo. I don't feel guilty for falling off the wagon of my expectations for rhythm and routine. The freedom to wake each day and take it as it comes has been nice. I have been enjoying feeling like I can decide to do fun things last minute. I don't know why I didn't feel that way before but something about selling this house has helped me to let go.

The End of Days...

We are at the end of our time in our little home. We have lived here for more than 5 years. My husband always said this would be a 5 year house for us but I saw so much farther into the future than that. I saw so many more dreams here than we actually achieved. All these years I could see our basement finished in my mind. I could see the layout of the rooms and the tile on the floor in the laundry room. I could see a bedroom for my son and a bathroom for guests. I spent many nights dreaming of finishing our attic like the rest of the little houses on our street. Like the basement I knew just what to do. 

Over the five years we have lived here I have worked so hard on our home. I have put my sweat, and blood, and soul into the walls of our house. I have painted beautiful hues to fill the rooms with lovely, ambient light. I have spent many hours restoring our historic, old growth windows. Like the basement, I didn't get as far as I wanted on the windows but I did make them better. I fixed the ones that mattered most. I have spent so much of my time working the soil here and turning our yard into a garden. I have canned the vegetables and butchered the chickens that grew too old. 

I had two of my babies in the walls of this home. They came faster than I anticipated, causing us to outgrow our 2 bedrooms sooner than we wanted. In fact when we bought the house I was already expecting our middle child, and first daughter. We didn't know it yet. Sometimes still I wonder if we would have chosen a different house had we known. Here, I have watched all three of my children learn and grow and live their lives. They have played many hours out in our garden and experienced almost all of their firsts, here in our first house. We have had to learn to do with less. We learned about that special bond that grows between a family that lives in a smaller home. We have learned how to be careful about what we buy, and careful about how we walk, as the squeaky boards can wake little people up just before dawn. 

Spokane has been like a desert to me, lonely, difficult, and spiritually challenging in ways I never imagined. For over two years we have wanted to move closer to my husbands work. Each time we tried to work it out in our heads, each time we would pray, we knew that it was not time. That was hard. We wanted to run away but knew that we shouldn't, that we financially couldn't. Then almost 5 weeks ago we received the news that was our open door. Right then and there we knew that it was time to go. It was crazy and fast and exciting. It was also strange and heartbreaking. I get so attached to the places I live. My house feels like more than just a house to me. It is like part of my family, my refuge from the storm, my art to live by. 

I am looking forward to the adventures a head of my family. I am excited to feel freedom again. I will have another garden someday just as beautiful as the one I built here. I know that I will bring beauty to where ever I call home. Most of all I am looking forward to being near my husband for 2 more hours each day. I am looking forward to doing fun things with my kids because we will be able to take the car. I am so grateful for this time I had to live in "an old house." I have loved old houses ever since I was a very young child and this house gave me the opportunity to live my dream.